Found a funny post on Zhangjiang BBS tonight, purporting to be a leaked copy of the "2009 CCTV Spring Festival Gala Line-up" but with tongue firmly in cheek:

1.大型古装舞蹈《多难兴邦》，表演者:南方雪灾和文川**灾民
2.小合唱《因为爱所以爱肉体岂能拿来慷慨》表演者：绿帽组，主唱：谢霆锋
3.小品《有奶不一定是娘》表演者：三 （鹿）集团领导者
4.<谁说山西好风光>表演者:山西矿难家属
5.小品<老虎来了>表演者:周正龙
6.歌曲<你伤害了我却一拐而过> 表演者:刘翔
7.群口相声:钢铁是怎样也练不成的 中国足球队
8.豫剧:我比窦娥还冤 奶农
9.杂技:火车也疯狂，山东铁路局
11.单口相声：为什么受伤的总是我。孟学农
12.大型诗朗诵：冬天已经来了，春天还会遥远吗。部分股民
13.京剧《奥运油和米，北京欢迎你》 张艺谋
14.武术表演：《掌掴天下》 阎崇年
15.体育杂技：《三个俯卧撑》 表演者：翁安县公-安局

1. Classical Chinese Dance "Distress rejuvenates a nation", performed by survivors of the southern snowstorms and Wenchuan earthquake
2. Choir piece "Why you gotta go and do that love huh?", performed by the Green Hat Group, lead singer Nicholas Tse
3.Comedic skit "Are you my mother? (Got milk?)", performed by San (Lu) Group management
4."Who says Shanxi's got great views?", performed by the relatives of Shanxi miners
5. Comedic skit "The boy who cried tiger", performed by Zhou Zhenglong
6. Song "You hurt me and then limped me by", performed by Liu Xiang
7. Group xiangsheng: "Men of steel we'll never be" by the China national soccer team
8. Henan Yuju Opera: "More wronged than Dou'e" by the Milkmen
9. Chinese acrobatics: "Crazy trains", by the Shandong Railway Bureau
11. Solo xiangsheng: "Why's the one landslided gotta be me?" by Meng Xuenong
12. Grand poetry reading: "Winter is here, spring can't be far off" by a selection of stock traders
13. Beijing opera "Olympic oil & rice, Beijing welcomes you" by Zhang Yimou
14. Martial arts performance "Smacks all around" by Yan Chongnian
15. Athletic acrobatics: "Three push-ups", performed by Weng'an County Police Department

The list references a bunch of news stories from this year. Most of them were covered on Danwei, so if you've been keeping up there you should understand most of this.